Calling all Losers!

For those who haven't heard, I went to Louisville, KY this weekend and tried out with my niece, Stephanie for the Biggest Loser. After 6 hours in the cold, wind and some rain, but also with a lot of fun under our belt, we were finally called inside. Long story short, I was called back for a 2nd interview. I went back to Louisville on Tuesday and the interview went great! I have to send a videotape in now and wait.

I tell you all of this to tell you that today was suppose to be my first fill. Because of the opportunity of the Biggest Loser, I don't think I will get the fill. I will talk to my doctor about it, but I don't want anything to compromise my chances and without a fill I'm eating how I ate before I ever had surgery, which puts me on a level playing field with other potential contestants. Also, if I make it to the show, I'll need to be able to eat more than I could with a fill. I don't think 3 ounces of chicken alone will supply the kind of nutrition or energy it would require.

This has been a blast and as I told Steph, the journey is as exciting as the destination, so enjoy the trip!

Questions and Answers

Well, well, well. It’s been awhile hasn’t it? Am I on the wagon or off the wagon? What have I been doing? How much weight have I lost or gained? What is going on? All these questions seem to be going through most of your minds and I am here to answer at least some of them. I am doing fairly well with the diet, but not as well as I should. I am HUNGRY most of the time and until I get that fill I think I will continue to struggle. I have been working out usually 4 to 5 times a week and have continually increased my speed and time on the treadmill. I have as of this morning gained 4 pounds and am ticked off at myself and at the band. I do, however, think part of this is fluid because I have had more salt than I’m used to.

Just to let you know what a typical day is suppose to be I’ll list my menu.

Breakfast
2 eggs scrambled with ¼ cup of mozzarella cheese

2 – 16 oz. of water before lunch

Lunch
3 oz. grilled chicken breast with 2 tbsp of BBQ Sauce or Teriyaki Sauce

2 – 16 oz. of water before dinner

Dinner
3 oz. grilled salmon with 2 tbsp of Teriyaki Sauce

1 – 16 oz. water before bedtime

I have no problem with breakfast and lunch isn’t too bad, but when it comes to dinner, I am starving and instead of eating 3 oz. I will eat 6 oz. and if I can find anything else that sounds good to me like BREAD, then I’m all over it. I will say that my husband, God love him, has tried to make sure none of the “bad” items are in the house, but it is unfair to him not to have certain things like a baked potato with his meal. Baked potatoes are not on my menu because they are bad carbs but when I’m hungry I will eat the baked potato. He tries to discourage my indulgence, but I am quick to tell him he is not my keeper and he better back off! I think it’s kind of like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. Of course an occasional baked potato or even a snatched piece of bread is not going to add 4 pounds to me, but if I add 2 pieces of pizza or 6 sausage balls or a milk shake, you can better believe it’s going to stick to me like glue on paper.

I actually have fantasies of just going off to a hotel room and ordering pizza and bringing in M&M’s and Cashews and Cheese-Its and Pringles and eating myself into a coma. WHY? WHY? WHY? I know it’s not worth it and I am not going to do it, but why does this have such a control over me? Actually picturing the scene at the hotel makes me not indulge in all the bad stuff at once. All I see is a big huge fat girl cramming junk into her mouth and left crying on the bed.

I appreciate all of your support and encouragement and if I have let any of you down, please, please forgive me. This thing ain’t over and I WILL be losing once again. Just stay with me.

Wagon Identity

Okay, if someone would just tell me which wagon I'm on, maybe I'll stop falling off and getting on the wrong one! Alright, already, I know which one I'm on, the weight losing one. Yes, I fell off this week. Terry's birthday was Wednesday and Katie and I baked him a cake. I didn't have a taste as I was making it, but once he blew out those candles, I jumped off that wagon as fast as I could. I have had some other small jumps throughout the week also, but seem to get right back in the wagon before anyone catches me gone. This jump made me feel angry, not just at myself for jumping, but at the band for not making me sick! That just sounds wrong, doesn't it? I guess until that first fill I'll be vulnerable to all kinds of foods. I thought that the band would make me sick if I put sugar, carbs or anything else in that I wasn't suppose to, but no, oh no, I actually have to make a conscience decision in what goes in my mouth! Go figure! You know I am an intelligent person and I have done all my research before this surgery, but I think psychologically I was hoping that somehow this band would do all the work for me.

Isn't that like all of us, wanting something that will do it all for us? I must say that my support system at the "Y" try their best to keep me going, unfortunately this sometimes leads to me having to do more work. Lisa and Faye seemed to be "understanding" about my slip, but Vicki, OMGosh, I hear her across the room saying, "You had CAKE"? Then she proceeded to tell me I would have to do 45 minutes on the treadmill instead of my usual 30. And let me tell you, I did it, cause I didn't want to do any pushups, which I was sure was going to come out of her mouth next! I'm not feeling as angry now, and am right back up in that wagon and intend on taking it across country without bailing, but if I do, don't worry, I'll be right back again!

The Best Scrambled Eggs in the World!

OMGosh! After 3 weeks of nothing but liquids, jello and sugar free popsicles, do you have any idea how good scrambled eggs are? My husband, as of now the best chef in the world, cooked me up my first "blended" food and they were delicious! Two eggs with about a quarter of a cup of part skim mozerrella cheese mixed in and being 22 grams of delicious, mouth watering protein! Had I known I would get this excited about eggs, I would have got the video camera out and taped my reaction. Would you like the narrative? Well you're going to get it anyway! LOL

I sat down at the table and put the napkin in my lap. Fork in hand my husband arrives and sets before me a plate with a wonderful aroma. I take in the smell for just a few seconds and then pierce the first bite onto my fork. I raise my fork to my opened mouth and close down on it with a sound that usually only comes from the bedroom. Each bite is just like the first and all I know is I don't want this to end. The moans coming from my lips are gratitude enough for my husband who just smiles. Then as the last bite passes my lips and enters my "small" pouch I realize I have taken eggs for granted. They are wonderful! I just can't wait til the next meal.

Change

I went to the doctor today and got an A on my checkup! Yeah me! According to their scales I have lost 17 lbs since the 7th of January. According to mine I have lost 20 lbs since January 1st. With 3 weeks of liquids you would think it would be more! They told me I could go to a blended diet. Okay I know you are asking, "What is a blended diet?". Imagine any kind of protein, i.e. eggs, chicken, tuna, etc. scrambled or finely chopped up, well, then there you have it. After this week the only change will be I don't have to chop it up. I will eat 3 meals a day with no snacking and will drink a minimum of 64 oz. of water and take vitamins. I go back in 5 weeks for a "fill". If I'm not getting hungry in between meals I may not need a fill. If you want to learn more about the band I have you can go to http://www.realizeband.com/ and read all about it. I started back exercising this week and I have managed to make it every day since Monday. I can't wait to heal all the way and start my strength training also.

You know I have really been reflecting this week about the changes I am making in my life. Change seems to be the banner for 2009. Change for our nation, change for my body and spirit, change for several friends I know. Barack Obama writes "Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek." This speaks volumes to me, because for the first time I really took a step towards change that required courage on my part. It's so easy for us to say we are going to do this or that and we seem to fall back into our same old patterns. But until we put actions to our words they are no more than that, just words. I encourage each of you to find something in your life that requires you to step out and make a change and take a deep breathe and do it! It may be starting a new bible study, changing your diet, stopping a bad habit, relocating to a new city or just an attitude change, whatever it is, grab a hold of it and take the steps to doing it! It is scary, it is exciting, but most of all it is change. And as Henri Bergson says "To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself". How intriguing, how inspiring, how wonderful! God is right there with you every step of the way and He will see you through it all!

Your table is ready

Oh boy! What a trip! On Wednesday morning, January 14th at 5:00 a.m. my sister, my Mother, my husband and myself load up in the car to head to the hospital. It was very cold. Of course I drive, because I have that control thing going on. LOL It was a very quiet ride to the hospital. I don’t know if everyone was still asleep or just a tad nervous and not knowing what to say. We arrive and the registration person hasn’t even gotten to work yet. We wait. She arrives and gives each of the patients a buzzer like you receive at Olive Garden and tells us that we are to come to the desk when our buzzer buzzes. Around 6:00 they call me to my “table”.

I change into the lovely back opening oversized hospital gown and the nurse asks me a thousand questions. My family comes back, the doctor comes in reassures me that he had a good nights sleep and by 6:30 a lovely man named Chuck comes to escort and drive me to the “holding” area. Chuck is 80 years old and says he has done this once or twice and assures me he knows how to drive this chariot. He positions me in what I can only described as the supply closet, although it had no doors. There is a constant barrage of nurses and anesthesiologists retrieving supplies from the cabinets. I have several who comment on my socks and how much they like them. Lisa gave them to me several years ago. They are red, cream and black striped and remind me of the wicked witch of the east that was killed by the house in the Wizard of Oz and I refer to them as my witch socks.

After what seemed to be hours and I’m sure was only minutes, a nurse comes and asks me the exact same questions the other nurse did. I asked her if they were checking to see if I give the same answers. I must have because she leaves and an anesthesiologist comes to my bedside. Oh my gosh, he was ADORABLE, but turns out he is a little greedy. He asks the exact same questions, which I answer in the exact same fashion and then he explains to me the complications that can occur due to anesthesia. He proceeds to “find” a vein on my hand and says, “Oh, these look very good”. I look at my hand to see if there was gold there because he is so excited. No gold just veins. He gets a needle and says I may feel a little sting. OOOOOOOOwwwwwwwHHHHHHH! He maneuvers the needle and can’t seem to keep the vein and finally gives up and says he’ll have to use the other hand. He says as an anesthesiologist they like to get the Papa Bear needle in, but he was a little greedy and I will have to have the Mama Bear needle. I told him to look on the bright side, at least it wasn’t the Baby Bear needle. Okay this guy is not looking nearly as adorable as he did 15 minutes ago. After several other nurses and even additional anesthesiologists check me out, I am wheeled to the operating room.

I actually saw the operating room for about 10 seconds and then I woke up in a very quiet room where they kept telling me to take deep breathes honey act as though I’m smelling the roses. I told them if they would put roses in there then maybe I could smell them. I kept wanting to just go back to sleep, but every time I did, my oxygen level would drop and they would wake me up to breathe deeper. After 45 minutes of “wake” time in there they took me back to the room I started in and there was my family along with several friends. I am received with hugs and kisses. All I wanted was something to drink or ice in my mouth. I had cotton mouth so bad. My sister is immediately there with her chapstick and swabbing my lips. Oh that feels good! The nurse brings the ice and water and I begin to chomp down on some ice. Vicki is going over my diet to make sure I know what I can do and can’t do. Lisa is out in the hallway thinking okay I made an appearance now can I go. My mother is sitting back taking it all in and my husband is telling me to hurry up and drink and go to the bathroom because then we can leave. It was all very hilarious to me! I don’t remember the drive home or even what I did once I got home. I think I went to bed. We arrived home around 3:00 p.m.

I was never in a lot of pain and the only discomfort I have is in the center of my chest where it feels like when you drink something really cold too fast and it takes your breath and you have to wait for it to dissipate. I wasn’t even hungry until Saturday. But I am trying to keep up my protein and taking my vitamins. I have liquid morphine which sounds so addictive to me, but I’m told it’s not. I don’t really need it though. They tell me I can never take another pill whole ever again. So I have to crush them, have liquid, or chew them. Let me tell you there are pills out there that no matter what you put them in they taste horrible. All in all the experience was a very easy one. I am looking forward and a little anxious to go to “blended” foods on Wednesday. I also go back to the doctor on Wednesday so I’ll let you know how that goes.

I’m sorry this particular blog was so long. I won’t let so many events happen before I blog again. Love you all and thanks for your thoughts and prayers!

Night before surgery and all through the house...

For the last two weeks I have had protein drinks, chicken broth, water, sugar free jello, sugar free popsicles and no sugar added fudgesicles. I did have one day that I “cheated”, but I totally blame that on the Titans. At any rate I have lost 14 pounds as of this morning. People ask if I can do that, then why have the surgery? Well, it’s because I’m STARVING, otherwise I would do just that. If you put a Sir Pizza pizza in front of me right now, I’m pretty sure I could devour it.

I am also weak, physically. It’s a strange kind of weak. I just feel less of myself. I’m like in a daze, but fully here. I seem to have lost my wit and even my mind at times. An instructor at the “Y” says you need brain food, which are good carbs. I guess she’s right, cause good bad or indifferent carbs I ain’t gettin’ and my mind seems to be going. It does help when I remember to take my vitamin. I take Flintstones Complete Chewable Multi-Vitamin. Is that not a hoot that I take a children’s vitamin.

I will have to continue the liquid diet for another week, so hopefully after that I will revert back to my jovial self. I thank all of you for your thoughts and prayers, they mean so much to me. I am truly blessed to have so many who love me and I love all of you right back. I will write again this weekend, but if for some reason the Lord above decides to take me home, I’m telling Jesus about each and every one of you and then I'm telling my Grandmother!


I have had several who have said they don't know how to leave a comment on here. If you click on comments, you can type your comment, then choose name/url and put in your name, don't worry about the url and then click publish. It's really that easy! :)

Gastric Banding Surgery, the beginning

Well, it has been a very long time! I'm sure there were things I could have been writing about, but just didn't. Now I am undertaking a new adventure and feel the need to bring you along on this journey. On January 14th, 2009 I will have a minor surgery. That is so funny to me, I mean really is any surgery minor? I will be having gastric banding surgery. Some refer to it as Lapband, however this is a brand and the brand I will be having implanted is called Realize, which seems rather appropriate for me. The gastric banding is a tool that I can use to help me control my hunger and my portions. I will still need to make wise choices and be very careful on how I chew my food.

I am very excited about this new chapter in my life and look forward to the changes that will come. I have been overweight for many years and have never been able to get control of it, so I truly pray (and I have done alot of that lately) that this is the tool I need for success.

I began this journey back in October when I went to have lunch with my niece at her school. I arrived a little early and went to the cafeteria to wait for her. I proceeded to sit on what I can only described as a small saucer stuck on a post...

These work well for children, but when introduced to middle age overweight adults, you are looking for disaster. I sat down and within seconds the saucer crumbled and fell to the floor. Being the athletic person I am I was able to catch myself before being tarpooned by the remaining pole. I was humiliated! My face was as red as Rudolph's nose and tears were beginning to form in my eyes. I laughed of course to try and ward off any real humiliation and the roomful of middle and high schoolers laughed with me. The teachers reassured me that it happens more often than I'd think and not to worry about it and the cafeteria worker instructed me to throw the pieces away in the trash. I had turned over the "diet" coke so I asked for a rag to clean it up. Once I cleaned up my mess, I stood away from the tables to wait on my niece. I still was fighting back tears and noticed that the kids were still whispering and pointing at me, which of course only made me feel even more embarrassed. I began to think of my niece and the humiliation she may feel if she entered and noticed everyone pointing and laughing our way and I couldn't take it any longer. I went out to the hallway to wait on her and once she arrived I lost it. I cried like a baby and explained to her in short form what had happened and that I just couldn't have lunch with her. I left and immediately went home to look up when the next seminar was on weight loss surgery. It was the next day. I went and listened to the Doctor discuss the different alternatives for weight loss surgery and decided on gastric banding. It is less evasive and reversible, if need be, than gastric bypass surgery. I filled out paperwork and the process began. They got in touch with my insurance company, I saw my regular Doctor and gathered records from her and the rest as they say is history. I'm getting ready to have surgery.

I do not tell you this story for you to feel sorry for me, only for you to know where the breaking point was. I am responsible for the shape I am in and I am responsible on how I improve it. Nowhere and noone can do that for me. I appreciate all your support and prayers and definitely will keep you posted. Here is a picture of me now and I will periodically post pictures along the way.

Princess

My husband and I were going to his brothers on Easter Sunday to eat dinner. Long story short, the cake I had baked wasn't the prettiest in the world, so because he was "embarassed" by it, we stop by Krogers on the way to purchase a "better" cake. I approach the door to Kroger and am standing in front of it, waiting for it to open. My husband comes up behind me and says "You have to push the door open, Princess". I look back at the doors and say "Well how archaic is that!". It was a very hilarious moment!

When was the last time you went into a larger grocery store and they didn't have an automatic door opener? I really am going to have to dye my hair a darker color!

Knick Knack Paddy Whack!

It was a bright beautiful morning. The birds were singing, the wind just slightly blowing. We are getting ready for the annual Easter Egg Hunt at church. The areas are roped off, the eggs are “hidden” and the children have arrived. It suddenly dawns on me that I don’t have my camera. I have to have my camera to capture all the wonderful moments about to take place. Where is it? Ah, yes in the van. I quickly go to the van and open the side door to find my camera in the case on the very back seat in the very back corner. No problem, I’ll just use the wooden stake laying there in my van. I take it in my hand and use the end to hook the strap of the camera bag. I’m lifting it up and toward me, when it seems to catch on something, I tug harder. The camera bag releases from the stake and the force at which I was tugging comes directly toward my face. WHACK! It took me a moment to realize what had happened and even another minute to realize I had done it!

I wear glasses and have magnetic sunglasses that attach to my glasses. It knocked them right off and brought my glasses half way down my face. The pastor is approaching at this time and asks if I’m okay. I assure him I’m fine, with tears in my eyes. He asks again and I say yes, but my vision is a little blurred. I proceed inside to cool off and get some ice for my head and begin to get concerned when my vision doesn’t seem to improve. I remove my sunglasses, thinking that they had smudged from the impact and the time on the pavement. It doesn’t help. I then remove my glasses to clean them and there I discover the problem, it knocked one of my lenses from my glasses. I go back to the van and find the missing lens and pop it back into my glasses and low and behold it’s a miracle, I can see again.

It’s okay to laugh out loud, I’m still laughing!


Picture taken 2 days later, redness is gone and bruise is fading quickly, thank goodness!

Washington, DC

I went to Washington, DC a couple of weeks ago for spring break. First time in the “Nations Capitol”. It is beautiful, especially with all the cherry blossoms. I am not a big history buff, but I was very moved by all the war memorials and impressed by all the monuments. I wanted to share one experience.

We had gone on a twilight tour of Washington. When we arrived at the Lincoln Memorial, my husband and niece stayed on the bus. It was the 5th time we had been to the Lincoln Memorial, so it was understandable that they would not want to walk up there again. I, however, decided to stroll along the Korean War Memorial and the Vietnam Veterans War Memorial. If you have not been to the Wall, it is a moving experience. As I began my stroll along the dimly lit sidewalk that follows the ever growing black granite wall, I eavesdrop on the conversations taking place. I never stopped walking and would hear only pieces of conversation, but the pieces that made their way to my ears were unbelievable. One woman in a wheelchair crying and explaining to the person with her that he should be here with her. A man with his son or grandson who was up against the wall with tracing paper and a pencil tracing a name off the wall. Another person stating that it was unfair that their brother had lost his life. A man explaining to the ones that were with him what the war was about. Someone else placing some article along the wall as a remembrance of their visit. I was moved by all of these people. As I concluded my walk I found myself standing and looking at the illuminated Washington Monument with tears in my eyes and thought of all of those who have lost and will lose their lives. It was a very sobering experience to me and one I will not soon forget.

New Day

Well it seems March was a total vacation from exercise. I never meant for it to happen, but before you knew it, it was gone! So I’m back at it. Started on Monday. I began with riding the stationary bike, then my resistance training and since it was a gorgeous morning I decided to go for a walk on the nature trail that goes from the lake to the YMCA. I did not walk that whole distance, only for about 30 minutes. As I was making it back to my car from the trail, my thighs and hips began to scream (who knew they had a voice?), “I THOUGHT YOU GAVE THIS UP, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, AAAHHHWWWEEE”. I assured them that they would survive and that at times pain is good. Then today I went back to my favorite exercise, water aerobics with Pam. Because I had been absent for a month, Pam decided that abs and upper body would be the exercise of the day. I discovered this afternoon, my upper body and abs also have a voice and they scream too!

It’s okay, ‘cause it’s a new day! I discovered a new vocal artist this weekend and he sings a song called Feeling Good, it has been my new theme song! Some of you probably have heard of him, his name is Michael Buble’. If you have not, oh my, you must hear him. He sings Sinatra, BeeGees, Ella, etc. and his own material too. I love that smooth, jazzy feel and he has made a fan of me. Anyway….the chorus of the song is as follows:

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

I like that! Because it is a new dawn, a new day and a new life for me, and I’m feeling good! Here’s to making April a better month!

New Exercise

I came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems so easy, so I thought I'd pass it on. The article suggested doing it three days a week. Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax. Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato sacks. Then 50-lb. potato sacks, and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.

I've been doing it wrong!

Thanks Judy

Bring it on!

Oh well, it was close. I had a few setbacks and didn't meet my goal. I did lose 3 pounds. I don't really like the word lose, I like to say "got rid of". So bring on the advice, I promise to read it, I can't however promise to heed it! Love you all!

Food Inhaler

Food is to sustain life, not to give pleasure! It's not about comfort. There has to be a formula that I'm missing that will make me GET IT! When I decided to quit smoking, and it was the fourth or fifth time, there was the greatest invention out called a Nicotrol Inhaler. I could not have done it without this clever little device (and of course God). Now with my dieting, all I'm looking for is some type of food inhaler that maybe tastes like whatever I'm wanting at any given time. I'm pretty sure this would get me through the day without just wanting to gorge myself on something (like pizza). I mean good grief, we can go to the moon, converse in minutes across a continent, what is so hard about making a small thing to make MY life easier? If any of you should come across one, send it to me please, if you don't come across one, could one of you please invent it! Meanwhile I'll just keep going at it the old fashion way. So far I'm doing pretty good this week. I will let you know my results on Monday. If for some reason you don't hear from me on Monday, you might want to check with the authorities.

Weighing In

What is the problem? I mean good grief, you make up your mind to do something and you should just do it. Right? Wrong! I have done such a lousy job for the last two weeks at my attack on my weight. I have a list of excuses, I mean reasons. Would you like to hear them?

1. I have been very busy at work.
2. I am remodeling the house and my time and energy has been there.
3. It’s too hard.
4. I don’t like the instructor.
5. I don’t have time.
6. I’m too tired.
7. My mind is too preoccupied with other things.

Anything but what I should be thinking of, which of course, is my choice in what goes into my mouth or my choice in my exercise plan. I haven’t been beating myself up, which was my way of saying, “See I’m in control of this thing”. So now, I’m beating myself up and coming clean with all those who care about me. I start in the morning back on my routine of exercise and my calorie count. If by the end of the week I have not lost a minimum of 5 pounds, I will allow each and every one of you to tell me what I should be doing. I really don’t need any advice until then, but I thank those of you willing to offer it.

Happy Valentines Day

I hope everyone gets and gives love today! I am not big on the flowers and candy thing, but I do like gifts. But I really like gifts when I least expect them. Terry used to do the whole roses and candy thing, but I told him I thought it was ridiculous to spend $75 on roses when you can get them any other time for $14.98. I did not however let him off the hook with gifts! I will not get upset if I don’t get anything, I know he loves me and making only one day for us to tell each other this, is absurd! But I will take this opportunity to tell all of you, I love you!

P.S. I know you’re wondering….as of yesterday I have lost a total of 15 pounds!

This little piggy...

Official loss is 12 pounds to date! You would think I would be excited, but I know it should have been more. I endulged, okay lets call it by it's real name, pigged out this weekend. I was sick with all I ate and I wasn't that thrilled with it. The brownies, the homemade chocolate chip cookies, the pancakes, the hamburgers, oh my gosh the list is unbelievable. You would have thought I was some kind of disposal for junk! I was so disappointed with myself that I worked out an extra hour this morning. I am planning on working out an extra hour tomorrow too! I know, don't keep beating yourself up, but if I don't I will begin to justify it and before you know it, I'm back on the road to overeating and coach potato olympics. I'm pretty sure it started with the homemade fudge thing and grew from there. I suppose the main thing is that I recognize that I overate. Before it would not have matter, now it does!

FUDGE!

I gave in to temptation today. It was SO worth it! Homemade Chocolate Fudge. Cut in 2" squares about a 1/4" thick. They melted in my mouth like snow melting in the sun. It was heaven! I felt a little sick at my stomach afterwards, but OH tasting it on my tongue was incredible. Okay your asking, "Why is she so excited over a piece of homemade fudge?". Well, I am a sucker for homemade fudge. Someone brought it to work today for someone's birthday. I was so excited you would have thought it was my birthday! I haven't made any since last summer and it's the one sweet I can not refuse! I continue eating it until I am so sick that I lay in bed moaning and groaning swearing I'll never do it again. My grandfather was the one that introduced me to such a wonderful delicacy. He could whip up a batch in no time and it always turned out perfect. He would add black walnuts or pecans and I couldn't wait to get my teeth into a piece. I did good today, I stopped after three pieces (or was it four?). I'll be back on track tomorrow, but I will hold today's memory in my mind for just a little while longer! I am so glad I did that extra 10 minutes on the bike!