Wagon Identity

Okay, if someone would just tell me which wagon I'm on, maybe I'll stop falling off and getting on the wrong one! Alright, already, I know which one I'm on, the weight losing one. Yes, I fell off this week. Terry's birthday was Wednesday and Katie and I baked him a cake. I didn't have a taste as I was making it, but once he blew out those candles, I jumped off that wagon as fast as I could. I have had some other small jumps throughout the week also, but seem to get right back in the wagon before anyone catches me gone. This jump made me feel angry, not just at myself for jumping, but at the band for not making me sick! That just sounds wrong, doesn't it? I guess until that first fill I'll be vulnerable to all kinds of foods. I thought that the band would make me sick if I put sugar, carbs or anything else in that I wasn't suppose to, but no, oh no, I actually have to make a conscience decision in what goes in my mouth! Go figure! You know I am an intelligent person and I have done all my research before this surgery, but I think psychologically I was hoping that somehow this band would do all the work for me.

Isn't that like all of us, wanting something that will do it all for us? I must say that my support system at the "Y" try their best to keep me going, unfortunately this sometimes leads to me having to do more work. Lisa and Faye seemed to be "understanding" about my slip, but Vicki, OMGosh, I hear her across the room saying, "You had CAKE"? Then she proceeded to tell me I would have to do 45 minutes on the treadmill instead of my usual 30. And let me tell you, I did it, cause I didn't want to do any pushups, which I was sure was going to come out of her mouth next! I'm not feeling as angry now, and am right back up in that wagon and intend on taking it across country without bailing, but if I do, don't worry, I'll be right back again!

The Best Scrambled Eggs in the World!

OMGosh! After 3 weeks of nothing but liquids, jello and sugar free popsicles, do you have any idea how good scrambled eggs are? My husband, as of now the best chef in the world, cooked me up my first "blended" food and they were delicious! Two eggs with about a quarter of a cup of part skim mozerrella cheese mixed in and being 22 grams of delicious, mouth watering protein! Had I known I would get this excited about eggs, I would have got the video camera out and taped my reaction. Would you like the narrative? Well you're going to get it anyway! LOL

I sat down at the table and put the napkin in my lap. Fork in hand my husband arrives and sets before me a plate with a wonderful aroma. I take in the smell for just a few seconds and then pierce the first bite onto my fork. I raise my fork to my opened mouth and close down on it with a sound that usually only comes from the bedroom. Each bite is just like the first and all I know is I don't want this to end. The moans coming from my lips are gratitude enough for my husband who just smiles. Then as the last bite passes my lips and enters my "small" pouch I realize I have taken eggs for granted. They are wonderful! I just can't wait til the next meal.

Change

I went to the doctor today and got an A on my checkup! Yeah me! According to their scales I have lost 17 lbs since the 7th of January. According to mine I have lost 20 lbs since January 1st. With 3 weeks of liquids you would think it would be more! They told me I could go to a blended diet. Okay I know you are asking, "What is a blended diet?". Imagine any kind of protein, i.e. eggs, chicken, tuna, etc. scrambled or finely chopped up, well, then there you have it. After this week the only change will be I don't have to chop it up. I will eat 3 meals a day with no snacking and will drink a minimum of 64 oz. of water and take vitamins. I go back in 5 weeks for a "fill". If I'm not getting hungry in between meals I may not need a fill. If you want to learn more about the band I have you can go to http://www.realizeband.com/ and read all about it. I started back exercising this week and I have managed to make it every day since Monday. I can't wait to heal all the way and start my strength training also.

You know I have really been reflecting this week about the changes I am making in my life. Change seems to be the banner for 2009. Change for our nation, change for my body and spirit, change for several friends I know. Barack Obama writes "Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek." This speaks volumes to me, because for the first time I really took a step towards change that required courage on my part. It's so easy for us to say we are going to do this or that and we seem to fall back into our same old patterns. But until we put actions to our words they are no more than that, just words. I encourage each of you to find something in your life that requires you to step out and make a change and take a deep breathe and do it! It may be starting a new bible study, changing your diet, stopping a bad habit, relocating to a new city or just an attitude change, whatever it is, grab a hold of it and take the steps to doing it! It is scary, it is exciting, but most of all it is change. And as Henri Bergson says "To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself". How intriguing, how inspiring, how wonderful! God is right there with you every step of the way and He will see you through it all!

Your table is ready

Oh boy! What a trip! On Wednesday morning, January 14th at 5:00 a.m. my sister, my Mother, my husband and myself load up in the car to head to the hospital. It was very cold. Of course I drive, because I have that control thing going on. LOL It was a very quiet ride to the hospital. I don’t know if everyone was still asleep or just a tad nervous and not knowing what to say. We arrive and the registration person hasn’t even gotten to work yet. We wait. She arrives and gives each of the patients a buzzer like you receive at Olive Garden and tells us that we are to come to the desk when our buzzer buzzes. Around 6:00 they call me to my “table”.

I change into the lovely back opening oversized hospital gown and the nurse asks me a thousand questions. My family comes back, the doctor comes in reassures me that he had a good nights sleep and by 6:30 a lovely man named Chuck comes to escort and drive me to the “holding” area. Chuck is 80 years old and says he has done this once or twice and assures me he knows how to drive this chariot. He positions me in what I can only described as the supply closet, although it had no doors. There is a constant barrage of nurses and anesthesiologists retrieving supplies from the cabinets. I have several who comment on my socks and how much they like them. Lisa gave them to me several years ago. They are red, cream and black striped and remind me of the wicked witch of the east that was killed by the house in the Wizard of Oz and I refer to them as my witch socks.

After what seemed to be hours and I’m sure was only minutes, a nurse comes and asks me the exact same questions the other nurse did. I asked her if they were checking to see if I give the same answers. I must have because she leaves and an anesthesiologist comes to my bedside. Oh my gosh, he was ADORABLE, but turns out he is a little greedy. He asks the exact same questions, which I answer in the exact same fashion and then he explains to me the complications that can occur due to anesthesia. He proceeds to “find” a vein on my hand and says, “Oh, these look very good”. I look at my hand to see if there was gold there because he is so excited. No gold just veins. He gets a needle and says I may feel a little sting. OOOOOOOOwwwwwwwHHHHHHH! He maneuvers the needle and can’t seem to keep the vein and finally gives up and says he’ll have to use the other hand. He says as an anesthesiologist they like to get the Papa Bear needle in, but he was a little greedy and I will have to have the Mama Bear needle. I told him to look on the bright side, at least it wasn’t the Baby Bear needle. Okay this guy is not looking nearly as adorable as he did 15 minutes ago. After several other nurses and even additional anesthesiologists check me out, I am wheeled to the operating room.

I actually saw the operating room for about 10 seconds and then I woke up in a very quiet room where they kept telling me to take deep breathes honey act as though I’m smelling the roses. I told them if they would put roses in there then maybe I could smell them. I kept wanting to just go back to sleep, but every time I did, my oxygen level would drop and they would wake me up to breathe deeper. After 45 minutes of “wake” time in there they took me back to the room I started in and there was my family along with several friends. I am received with hugs and kisses. All I wanted was something to drink or ice in my mouth. I had cotton mouth so bad. My sister is immediately there with her chapstick and swabbing my lips. Oh that feels good! The nurse brings the ice and water and I begin to chomp down on some ice. Vicki is going over my diet to make sure I know what I can do and can’t do. Lisa is out in the hallway thinking okay I made an appearance now can I go. My mother is sitting back taking it all in and my husband is telling me to hurry up and drink and go to the bathroom because then we can leave. It was all very hilarious to me! I don’t remember the drive home or even what I did once I got home. I think I went to bed. We arrived home around 3:00 p.m.

I was never in a lot of pain and the only discomfort I have is in the center of my chest where it feels like when you drink something really cold too fast and it takes your breath and you have to wait for it to dissipate. I wasn’t even hungry until Saturday. But I am trying to keep up my protein and taking my vitamins. I have liquid morphine which sounds so addictive to me, but I’m told it’s not. I don’t really need it though. They tell me I can never take another pill whole ever again. So I have to crush them, have liquid, or chew them. Let me tell you there are pills out there that no matter what you put them in they taste horrible. All in all the experience was a very easy one. I am looking forward and a little anxious to go to “blended” foods on Wednesday. I also go back to the doctor on Wednesday so I’ll let you know how that goes.

I’m sorry this particular blog was so long. I won’t let so many events happen before I blog again. Love you all and thanks for your thoughts and prayers!

Night before surgery and all through the house...

For the last two weeks I have had protein drinks, chicken broth, water, sugar free jello, sugar free popsicles and no sugar added fudgesicles. I did have one day that I “cheated”, but I totally blame that on the Titans. At any rate I have lost 14 pounds as of this morning. People ask if I can do that, then why have the surgery? Well, it’s because I’m STARVING, otherwise I would do just that. If you put a Sir Pizza pizza in front of me right now, I’m pretty sure I could devour it.

I am also weak, physically. It’s a strange kind of weak. I just feel less of myself. I’m like in a daze, but fully here. I seem to have lost my wit and even my mind at times. An instructor at the “Y” says you need brain food, which are good carbs. I guess she’s right, cause good bad or indifferent carbs I ain’t gettin’ and my mind seems to be going. It does help when I remember to take my vitamin. I take Flintstones Complete Chewable Multi-Vitamin. Is that not a hoot that I take a children’s vitamin.

I will have to continue the liquid diet for another week, so hopefully after that I will revert back to my jovial self. I thank all of you for your thoughts and prayers, they mean so much to me. I am truly blessed to have so many who love me and I love all of you right back. I will write again this weekend, but if for some reason the Lord above decides to take me home, I’m telling Jesus about each and every one of you and then I'm telling my Grandmother!


I have had several who have said they don't know how to leave a comment on here. If you click on comments, you can type your comment, then choose name/url and put in your name, don't worry about the url and then click publish. It's really that easy! :)

Gastric Banding Surgery, the beginning

Well, it has been a very long time! I'm sure there were things I could have been writing about, but just didn't. Now I am undertaking a new adventure and feel the need to bring you along on this journey. On January 14th, 2009 I will have a minor surgery. That is so funny to me, I mean really is any surgery minor? I will be having gastric banding surgery. Some refer to it as Lapband, however this is a brand and the brand I will be having implanted is called Realize, which seems rather appropriate for me. The gastric banding is a tool that I can use to help me control my hunger and my portions. I will still need to make wise choices and be very careful on how I chew my food.

I am very excited about this new chapter in my life and look forward to the changes that will come. I have been overweight for many years and have never been able to get control of it, so I truly pray (and I have done alot of that lately) that this is the tool I need for success.

I began this journey back in October when I went to have lunch with my niece at her school. I arrived a little early and went to the cafeteria to wait for her. I proceeded to sit on what I can only described as a small saucer stuck on a post...

These work well for children, but when introduced to middle age overweight adults, you are looking for disaster. I sat down and within seconds the saucer crumbled and fell to the floor. Being the athletic person I am I was able to catch myself before being tarpooned by the remaining pole. I was humiliated! My face was as red as Rudolph's nose and tears were beginning to form in my eyes. I laughed of course to try and ward off any real humiliation and the roomful of middle and high schoolers laughed with me. The teachers reassured me that it happens more often than I'd think and not to worry about it and the cafeteria worker instructed me to throw the pieces away in the trash. I had turned over the "diet" coke so I asked for a rag to clean it up. Once I cleaned up my mess, I stood away from the tables to wait on my niece. I still was fighting back tears and noticed that the kids were still whispering and pointing at me, which of course only made me feel even more embarrassed. I began to think of my niece and the humiliation she may feel if she entered and noticed everyone pointing and laughing our way and I couldn't take it any longer. I went out to the hallway to wait on her and once she arrived I lost it. I cried like a baby and explained to her in short form what had happened and that I just couldn't have lunch with her. I left and immediately went home to look up when the next seminar was on weight loss surgery. It was the next day. I went and listened to the Doctor discuss the different alternatives for weight loss surgery and decided on gastric banding. It is less evasive and reversible, if need be, than gastric bypass surgery. I filled out paperwork and the process began. They got in touch with my insurance company, I saw my regular Doctor and gathered records from her and the rest as they say is history. I'm getting ready to have surgery.

I do not tell you this story for you to feel sorry for me, only for you to know where the breaking point was. I am responsible for the shape I am in and I am responsible on how I improve it. Nowhere and noone can do that for me. I appreciate all your support and prayers and definitely will keep you posted. Here is a picture of me now and I will periodically post pictures along the way.